The Lord Jesus Christ Has Power Over All Things

The Lord Jesus Christ has power over all things! That was the main truth in the BSF children's program this week. We studied Matthew 8, and boy was it a good one. I am excited to be in Matthew because I want to really connect with and understand Jesus better. I know that sounds stupid... "Uh, isn't everything you believe centered around Jesus Christ?" Well, yeah, but studying and camping on the actual life of Christ will just deepen and enrich my understanding. It's not that I haven't read the Gospels before, but this time, for whatever reason, I am way more excited about it and already I am getting so much more out of it! Each week he shows me something in my life that he wants to refine. Each week Jesus is challenging and encouraging me. I am excited and exhausted all at the same time.

I am amazed at how many huge lessons there were in one little chapter of the Bible. If I wanted this blog post to be a 10 page essay I would tell you all the wonderful things God was teaching me this week...But since I don't, I'll just tell you my favorite part. 

Matthew 8:23-27 - When He got into the boat, His disciples followed Him. And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being covered with the waves; but Jesus Himself was asleep. And they came to Him and woke Him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing!”He said to them, “Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?” Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it became perfectly calm. The men were amazed, and said, “What kind of a man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?”

Don't you just love that? I just love it! I love that Jesus was so incredibly human that He was dog tired and slept through a crazy storm! It reminds me that Jesus has been through storms. It reminds me that He understands mine and that He is here with me. When the disciples were freaking out and feeling like they were going to die, where was Jesus? He was still in the boat! That helps me remember that even if I don't have the mushy, gushy feeling of being close to Jesus, He is still there! He is still in the boat with me. When I try to put myself in the place of the disciples, I really can't imagine that I would have done anything differently. They went to him and asked to be saved. I feel like that's a good thing. But then Jesus rebuked them and pointed out their little faith. I was a little confused at that. What did they do wrong? They were just asking for Jesus to save them. They had faith enough to ask him for saving. Then I thought of my own life. The storms that have come.

Jesus has already saved me. I am His child and will one day physically be with Him in perfection. My future is secure. I am saved. As long as I live on this earth though, He is using the storms in my life to refine and redeem me. To sanctify me and make me beautiful and glorifying to Him. To prepare me to be joined together with Him in all eternity. So, what should the disciples have done? I don't really know the answer. Have more faith, I guess. Something that one of the ladies said in my class was, "Maybe, they should have just laid down next to him." I thought that was a sweet idea. The idea of snuggling with Jesus? Yes please! But in reality, they probably did have work they needed to do to keep the boat in good shape. The Son of God wasn't going to be taken out by a little storm (or a great one). That wasn't even close to the ending God had planned for him. The disciples should have weathered the storm. Resting assured that although it was hard and scary and exhausting, Jesus was with them and would use this storm in their life to make them better reflections of him. They should have known that He would calm the storm in His perfect timing, in His perfect way.

So that's my big take away. Life has quite it's set of storms. I know I'm not the only one weathering a few. I have just been through my toughest one yet, but I am certain there are more difficult ones to come. Waves come and I feel like I will capsize. Winds blow and I fear they will carry me off. That's because I have a little faith and I forget who I have with me. I have Jesus with me and He promises to never leave or forsake me. He is my help and my refuge and He uses everything for good for those who love him. Just like I told my toddler class this morning; The Lord Jesus Christ has power over all things. Even the things in life that seem really big. I can trust him with them all and know that he will use the storms in my life for good.  

Romans 8:28-30 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.  And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

It's ok to cry

We found out that I was pregnant while we were in Hawaii. Jordan and I were on the other side of some severe marital struggles. We were at a wonderful new place. Our marriage had never been more fun and exciting. We had reached a new place of love, forgiveness, and acceptance. I kept telling Jordan that 5 was my new favorite number. The 5th year of marriage was shaping up to be pretty awesome. Jesus had saved and redeemed our marriage and we were both exceedingly thankful. It had been a huge struggle in getting to that point, but we felt that we had reached a really great point, and we were thoroughly enjoying it. I had just lost 30 pounds and we celebrated that feat by purchasing an adorable LuluLemon outfit and by climbing KoKo Head. It was an awesome vacation. It was made even more amazing when I hesitated to indulge in fruity cocktails because I suspected something.

We purchased a pregnancy test and I was legitimately surprised when two little pink lines appeared in the window. We were so excited! We had names for both genders picked out before we left Hawaii. I had my appointment with my OB scheduled and we had told our entire family (and every waiter or guest that would listen.) We were overjoyed.

Morning sickness hit me pretty hard. I couldn't keep anything down at all. I felt like the worst wife and mother on the planet. I think Jadyn watched more Curious George those few months than I care to admit and Jordan brought dinners home most nights. I felt exhausted, sick, and dizzy almost all the time. Everyone told me what a good sign nausea was when I was pregnant with Jadyn, so I thought all things were a go with baby number two. I was dumbfounded when I saw my sweet babe laying still on the ultrasound. I couldn't believe it. "But what about all my symptoms?"

Anyway... Tomorrow was our due date with my baby that we discovered while we were in Hawaii. I thought that being pregnant again on this day would ease it for me. I guess I don't know if it would have or not, but the thought of that suspected comfort reminds me of our second baby that we loss which just worsens the pain of it all. I am so frustrated that a silly thing like a projected due date could bring me back to this low place. I feel like I should be able to compartmentalize things better. I mean, how many people actually give birth on their due dates anyway? Why couldn't I just forget my due date? It's not like I have a squirming, growing baby to remind me of this impending day, so what's the big deal? I can't really answer that. All I can say is that I'm frustrated with emotions.

Today, I stood in front of a checker sweating and fanning myself because I was doing everything in my power not to burst into tears. I dropped my daughter off with my wonderful mother-in-law and bawled my eyes out all the way home. My husband keeps telling me that it's ok to cry. It's ok to cry. It's ok to cry.